Fight for your Right to be the Magician

on re-connecting to wilderness and creativity

Hello friend,

Is it too forward to call you friend? Maybe I actually know you, maybe we are only energetically connected through this strange virtual realm but haven’t crossed paths otherwise. Whatever the case may be, here we are, together.

I’m in my office. Sun streaming in the window. I need to move one of my philodendrons, it is getting fried. I dusted the shelves last week so it feels spiffy in here. I lit some incense (tsho-drong zimpo, it smells wonderful) which I haven’t done in a while.

I have been BUSY. The world has been a SHIT SHOW. So today we are doing tarot from the heart and meandering slowly wherever the cards take us.

I pulled the Magician reversed (turned it around for the photo). Magic is just right there yet feels so difficult to access. I get stuck in this constant cycle where I see all the atrocities of the world and think, how can I continue to create? How can I experience joy? How can I feel truly alive and connected to a vital force… when there’s so much tragedy everywhere?

It is a lifelong question without an easy answer.

But this card reminds me that us being unable to access our magic is what they want.

So. Continuing to affirm my right to be The Magician is not only a personal act, but a political act. A bit grandiose, maybe? But I do believe this.

The more each of us is disconnected from our own sense of power and purpose and creativity…. the more of that power, purpose and creativity is given away to nefarious forces. The usual suspects. Corrupt politicians. Capitalism writ large. Boo. DON’T LET THIS HAPPEN! A note to myself, and maybe to you? If it applies. If not, carry on.

You gotta fight…for your right… to be the Magiciaaaaaaaannnnnnnn.

The Magician reversed reminds me of a book by Daniel Quinn called If They Give You Lined Paper, Write Sideways. The book is essentially about how to think in your own way in a society that is designed to corral you into pre-determined behaviors. It was initially published in 2007 and this concept is perhaps even more relevant now in the age of algorithms.

It isn’t easy to write sideways on lined paper. And again, that’s by design. Our true nature is to be the Magician. Creatively autonomous. But it takes a real push to live that way. You have to actively claim that way of being time and time again.

Oh myyyyyyy. Next I have the Guardian (Queen) of Wands, whomst also came up reversed and it seems the cards are really insistent on a particular theme.

In the Spacious Tarot, the Guardian of Wands tends to a fire. She knows she can’t light up the entire night. But she can find the fuel to keep this flame going in this small space. Her realm has boundaries. She doesn’t try to provide everything to everyone. She takes care of what she instinctively knows she can handle.

There’s a joy and a PRESENCE to both the Guardian of Wands and the Magician. They both teach us to identify the power we hold and to actually claim that power. But they both came up reversed, so again there’s the message - this is easier said than done.

External forces are one thing. But reversals also often make me think internal forces. How am I getting in my own way here? In what ways am I preventing myself from aligning with my inner Magician, my inner Guardian of Wands? How can I melt away some of my self-imposed resistance?

I thought I’d pull one more card and it’s the Empress.

The phrase “do what comes naturally” comes to mind. But here we have another thing that is easier said than done. Sometimes I am utterly unsure what comes naturally to me. With all the trauma of my personal life and my country and the world the past few years I’ve felt like a shell of myself.

I’ve never had a perfect alignment with what comes naturally. I always had some level of awkwardness or conformity to external expectations. Part of that is just a survival instinct. But I used to at least TRY to let my true wild nature come through. I’ve become much more cultivated. And I’m not sure I like that. Hmm.

The idea of being a WILD WOMAN became a bit of an internet cliche in the spiritual realm and sometimes that type of sentiment makes me cringe. But there is still that part of me that is like, well, I AM a wild woman! Somewhere inside of me. I want to y’know, like, howl at the moon and roll around in wildflowers and whatnot. But I still want to get vaccinated and wear sunscreen, don’t worry, I’m not like, the alt-right pipeline kind of wild woman.

What am I saying? I’m SAYING, I want to make more space for the wild and natural side of myself. I’m not quite sure how. Maybe just beginning with that inquiry, what comes naturally? Asking myself that in each moment and seeing how the answers bloom.

There was a quote going around the internet maybe ten years ago or so. I was certain it was from Danielle LaPorte but Google gives conflicting sources. Anyhow, here it is:

Can you remember who you were before the world told you who you should be?

That seems like a summation of what the cards are asking me today. The world is relentlessly telling all of us who we should be. Sometimes it is loud and direct through oppressive legislation and controlling our choices. Other times it is more subdued: those little societal norms you barely notice but they are always there trying to mold you.

Remembering who you were before the world told you who you should be is lifelong work. I have been engaged in this question to varying degrees since I was a teenager. Now I’m a 40 year old broad still grappling with it.

I think one more thing as we wrap up. I do believe the cards also ask me - and maybe you, too - to acknowledge the counter-cultural ways we are already showing up. I mean, hell, we are into tarot. That alone shows that we are willing to go our own way.

Until next time… stay wild ✌️

Carrie